When it comes to blogging everyday, is it cheating to expand on a thought I had in my morning pages session? I don’t think so, because this space doesn’t have any rules, yet. If I were to impose rules on this practice already, I’m sure that I wouldn’t want to continue, and I’ve only just begun.
Onto the insight surrounding money and art supplies. Hopefully this doesn’t become too long.
Recently, amidst my depression, I felt myself being drawn back towards my creative practice. I painted and cut paper, watched art tutorials on youtube, purchased two art classes (one year long that starts Jan. 1, 2021 and the other is about expressive watercolors), and bought new supplies. I had the money, but if I was being frugal and “responsible”, I wouldn’t have bought anything. This entire time that I haven’t been working and haven’t had income coming in, even when I’ve had moments of panic around money, I still had this thought that “it’s going to be okay”. So I’m worried, but I’m not worried. Weird. I do have to call myself out though and be honest, I am behind on some payments for things. Okay, now that that is out of the way…let’s keep unwrapping this insight.
One of the things that I’ve been really into lately is watercolor. I don’t have a lot of experience with that medium, since most of my art making is mixed media, acrylic, and paper crafting. That is why I had to buy new supplies, but I didn’t want to buy the “cheap” supplies. I knew that if I were to do that, my experience would be less than pleasant, I would have to spend more money in the future, and I may just get frustrated and not enjoy the practice. But I still hesitated on spending them money. It’s also the time of year where my mom asks me for my Christmas list, and I thought maybe I could just ask her for what I want (I still put some paints and papers on the list).
In a money mindset group that I’m a member of on Facebook, a woman posted her thoughts on this exact topic. Talk about being in alignment with the universe of something. Was it a sign that I was headed for this insight? Who knows. Maybe reading this post a few days ago inspired my mind to explore this in greater detail. I still haven’t gotten to the insight yet, please bare with me. She shared that it’s aggravating that the mindset in the artist community is of the “starving artist”: buy cheap materials, don’t waste your paint/paper, and make sure supplies can do double duty. At first, I wanted to defend thought process, but instead I paused and asked myself “why?” Why would I defend this mindset, when I’m actively trying to buy better quality materials for myself to practice a new medium? Does that make me a hypocrite?
Anyways..so I got the new watercolor paper and paints, and a few new brushes, and then….nothing. I hesitated to paint. To follow beginners tutorials because the paper was “higher quality” and I didn’t want to waste it. I didn’t know if my paintings would be good enough for the paints I was using.
So this morning as I was free writing, what came across the pages was something along the lines of “use your supplies to express gratitude and appreciation for your abundance and your money and more will come to you.”
Whaaaaaat? Where did that come from?
Basically what I think I’m starting to understand is this: Money is a neutral energy and you determine the feelings associated with it when you spend it. When I spend my money on art supplies, I do so to support my creativity knowing this is a part of me that I’ve been neglecting (I’m also supporting my inner child who just wants to draw and paint badly, but having fun while doing so). When I don’t use my art supplies, I’m basically saying to myself that my creativity isn’t worth anything and I shouldn’t be grateful for it. Instead I feel guilty for having all these supplies and not doing anything with them.
But what if I played and had fun and tried new things and just made a colorful, happy mess? I don’t have to share it with anyone, but in the act of using the supplies and materials that I’ve spent money on, I’m showing myself that I’m worth it.
I’m worth learning something new.
I’m worth stretching my creative muscles.
I’m worth being bad at something at first but having fun while being bad.
And there is the extra added bonus part: If I do share with others my art, and invite them to share in my excitment, I spread the abundance, joy, and gratitude, and invite more of those feelings (and maybe even money) to come back to me!
How’s that for an insight? Use the things you purchase, have fun with it, and create the space for my goodness to come into your life. It’s simple.